As I get older and older, and as I look back at some of my past mistakes and lessons I've learned I've come to realize that one of my greatest problems in being in tune with the Spirit is often my attitude that the spirit accepts me on my terms.
I can be very rebellious and stuburn, and do things and think things that would distance myself from the influence of the Holy Ghost. But if I'm ever in need and demand that God bless me or the Spirit guide me I often think that I expect the Lord and the Holy Ghost to obey me unconditionally. I think that if they were to be loyal to me in the same way I've often been loyal to them, they would never come around.
The funny thing is when they aren't, I then begin to doubt them and think I start to think I know better. I've learned that sometimes this means I need to step back and accept that maybe I'm the one at fault here and its not them that have distanced themselves from me, but its me who has driven that wedge.
There are times when I need to look at my life. Am I doing things that make the Holy Ghost want to dwell with me. Am I providing an environment conducive to the spirit? Am I reading the things that inspire me? am I dwelling in places that up lift me?
When I see people seemly happy doing things that I've been taught are wrong, and I dwelling on the eternal? Am I visiting the great and spacious building dreading having to go back to holding the iron rod? Do I really want to be happy doing the things that are right? Or am I always going to resent not having what I have to sacrifice in order to obtain what I'm promised. Do I want to be happy?
Do I put the Lord's ways before the worlds ways. Do I put being tolerant and open minded in the worlds way before standing for something on the Lords side? Whose side do I want to be found on when all is said and done?
There are times also when I think that we often would rather take council from our fears because it doesn't take any real faith to do that. We can accept our fears as fact comfortable because it does give us a net to fall into. It takes faith to rely on God and his promises. I think that a lot of times its easier to accept the words of people who help us justify our weaknesses then to accept God's promises that through him weak things can be made strong.
We also need to remember who is the author of fears.
These are things I often ponder when I feel like the Lord isn't answering my prayers. I sometimes wonder if he did would I really want the answer. And sometimes I also realize that I already know the answer to what I'm praying for, I just don't like the answer and want another.
I know this is sorta a different post, but its things I've been thinking about lately. Sometimes instead of trying to change the world I think I need to turn inward and change my heart so that I can accept the things that I already know to be true. I think that sometimes thats the hardest thing to do.